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Nathan Jones - Bananarama
3 days ago
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Monday, March 14, 2011
Monday, April 12, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Just as Glenn Beck prophesied....
I know. I was as surprised as anyone.
After watching Congress vote to enact sweeping health care reform (a few nights ago) and the President signing the Healthcare Bill into law this morning, I was surprised by a squadron of Commu-Nazi soldiers breaking down my front door. They grabbed me out of my kitchen, threw me in the backseat of an electric car, and took me to the nearest abortion clinic. It didn't matter how much I tried to explain that I was a man and thus unable to conceive a child. When they finally determined that I wasn't pregnant, they figured they had me there and might as well remove something, so they took out my pancreas and sold it to an ACORN employee for a pack of menthol cigarettes.
Just like Glenn and his "Chalkboard of Freedom" said they would.
Thanks for this!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Fun Fun Fun 'till her daddy took her T-bird away...
From the Floriday Keys News site Keysnews.com
FHP: Driver lacked razor-sharp focus
BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.
Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."
If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.
The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.
Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.
Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.
Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.
"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "
Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.
Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.
Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.
"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."
FHP: Driver lacked razor-sharp focus
BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.
Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."
If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.
The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.
Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.
Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.
Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.
"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "
Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.
Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.
Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.
"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The Greatest American Hero
Here's a fun little idea..... I'll post, at least once a week, a TV show from years gone by, to see if you remember it!
The Greatest American Hero TV show was a 60 minute adventure / comedy series on ABC with a sci-fi twist about a Los Angeles high school teacher (Ralph Hinkley) who was given a red flying suit by aliens during a field trip to the desert. An F.B.I. agent convinces him to use the suit to fight crime. Ralph later discovers that the suit also gives him the power to become invisible, to see things from great distances and to see through solid objects. During the first season only, Ralph also sometimes included his students in his crime-stopping adventures.
Greatest American Hero Cast:
William Katt ................... Ralph Hinkley
Robert Culp .................... Bill Maxwell
Connie Sellecca ................ Pam Davidson
Faye Grant ..................... Rhonda Blake
Michael Paré ................... Tony Villicana
Brandon Williams ............... Kevin Hinkley
Marc Price ..................... Rodrigeuz
Don Cervantes .................. Cyler Johnson
Greatest American Hero Trivia:
The theme song for the series became a major hit on the charts during the summer of 1981.
The owners of the Superman copyright threatened to sue citing similarities in the suits and of the superpowers.
Connie Sellecca starred on another TV series before, the Greatest American Hero titled, "Flying High". Before the final season of the Greatest American Hero began, Connie appeared in a TV movie titled, "Hotel". She went on to re-create the role on a Hotel TV Show. The first episode of that series aired a measley 6 1/2 months after the final episode of the Greatest American Hero so Connie didn't have any substantial gap in her resumé! Before becoming an actress, Connie had a career modelling lingerie. The actors and crews that Connie works with know her as an expert practical joker. When she and Gil Gerard were married he would come home to find Connie on the floor, seemingly dead, with a huge pool of fake blood all around! That happened so often that Gil started rating how good her attempts were compared to previous ones!
On March 30, 1981, a man named John Hinckley attempted to assasinate President Ronald Reagan. Fearing public disgust over the similarity in last names (Hinkley & Hinckley), scripts were quickly rewritten to refer to the hero of the series as simply, "Mr. H" and sometimes even "Mr. Hanley". Eventually, however, things cooled off and his name was changed back to Hinkley.
Robert Culp's grandfather inspired him in his role as Bill Maxwell. He had also written an episode of his series, "I Spy" where he developed a character (Uncle Harry) who was also inspired by his grandfather.
Robert Culp wrote several of the Greatest American Hero scripts. He had previously written scripts for his first series "Trackdown (1957)" and also for "I Spy (1965)". He even won an Emmy for one of the "I Spy" scripts!
Thirteen years before appearing as an FBI agent in "The Greatest American Hero", Robert Culp played the role of a U.S. secret agent on "I Spy". Actually, the rugged schedule of shooting "I Spy" caused him on many occasions to say that he didn't even want to see scripts for TV pilots. Fortunately, a friend convinced him to change his mind for "The Greatest American Hero".
Greatest American Hero Theme Song Lyrics
Title: "Believe It Or Not"
Written By: "Mike Post and Stephen Geyer"
Performed By: "Joey Scarbury"
Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.
Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free eee eee.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.
It's like a light of a new day,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true ue ue.
Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free eee eee.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.
Greatest American Hero Cast:
William Katt ................... Ralph Hinkley
Robert Culp .................... Bill Maxwell
Connie Sellecca ................ Pam Davidson
Faye Grant ..................... Rhonda Blake
Michael Paré ................... Tony Villicana
Brandon Williams ............... Kevin Hinkley
Marc Price ..................... Rodrigeuz
Don Cervantes .................. Cyler Johnson
Greatest American Hero Trivia:
The theme song for the series became a major hit on the charts during the summer of 1981.
The owners of the Superman copyright threatened to sue citing similarities in the suits and of the superpowers.
Connie Sellecca starred on another TV series before, the Greatest American Hero titled, "Flying High". Before the final season of the Greatest American Hero began, Connie appeared in a TV movie titled, "Hotel". She went on to re-create the role on a Hotel TV Show. The first episode of that series aired a measley 6 1/2 months after the final episode of the Greatest American Hero so Connie didn't have any substantial gap in her resumé! Before becoming an actress, Connie had a career modelling lingerie. The actors and crews that Connie works with know her as an expert practical joker. When she and Gil Gerard were married he would come home to find Connie on the floor, seemingly dead, with a huge pool of fake blood all around! That happened so often that Gil started rating how good her attempts were compared to previous ones!
On March 30, 1981, a man named John Hinckley attempted to assasinate President Ronald Reagan. Fearing public disgust over the similarity in last names (Hinkley & Hinckley), scripts were quickly rewritten to refer to the hero of the series as simply, "Mr. H" and sometimes even "Mr. Hanley". Eventually, however, things cooled off and his name was changed back to Hinkley.
Robert Culp's grandfather inspired him in his role as Bill Maxwell. He had also written an episode of his series, "I Spy" where he developed a character (Uncle Harry) who was also inspired by his grandfather.
Robert Culp wrote several of the Greatest American Hero scripts. He had previously written scripts for his first series "Trackdown (1957)" and also for "I Spy (1965)". He even won an Emmy for one of the "I Spy" scripts!
Thirteen years before appearing as an FBI agent in "The Greatest American Hero", Robert Culp played the role of a U.S. secret agent on "I Spy". Actually, the rugged schedule of shooting "I Spy" caused him on many occasions to say that he didn't even want to see scripts for TV pilots. Fortunately, a friend convinced him to change his mind for "The Greatest American Hero".
Greatest American Hero Theme Song Lyrics
Title: "Believe It Or Not"
Written By: "Mike Post and Stephen Geyer"
Performed By: "Joey Scarbury"
Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.
Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free eee eee.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.
It's like a light of a new day,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true ue ue.
Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free eee eee.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
The "What If..." Meme (survey about me)
1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Her (that's all I can say)
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Nickleback
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Her husband (see above)
4. What is your favorite cheese?
Smoked Cheddar
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Heated corned beef on white toast spread with bacon ranch dressing with melted baby swiss. My own invention a few years ago...
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Katherine Heigl
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Katy Perry - OH YEAH!
8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Get somthing pretty for my wife.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Liverpool, duh...
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Buy a Beatles something as a keepsake from my trip, duh!
11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?
Gonna have to say Sam Adams Winter Lager...
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
February 8, 1964 - the day before The Beatles were on Ed Sullivan. Get tickets to see the show and then live from then on....
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
There will be peace here, always!
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
In My Life...
A story of the actual events of The Beatles told by Mal Evans - long-time friends and road manager. He was a gentle soul that did anything and everything with and for The Beatles.
In the early 1960s, Evans was employed as a telephone engineer, and also worked part-time as a bouncer at the Cavern Club, where The Beatles performed. Manager Brian Epstein later hired Evans as their assistant road manager, in tandem with Neil Aspinall. Evans was tall and heavily-built, and Peter Brown (one of Epstein's staff) later wrote of Evans as "a kindly, but menacing-looking young man". Evans contributed to many Beatle recordings, and appeared in some of the films they made. The Beatles stopped touring in 1966, but Evans carried on assisting the band and working with them in the studio.
Evans was killed by police on 5 January 1976 at his rented duplex in Los Angeles. Officers were called when his girlfriend phoned the police and told them that Evans was confused and had a gun. The police believed that the air rifle Evans was holding was a rifle and shot him dead. Evans was cremated on 7 January 1976 in Los Angeles, and his ashes were sent back to England, but were first lost in the postal system, before being found and given to his family.
15.What is your favorite curse word?
Fuckin' Fucker!
16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Go back to sleep. If they're not doing anything, why do something that might MAKE them do something?
17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
This is not a fair question.... probably my renters insurance policy so I can replace all of the very important things I collect, like Beatles albums, and KISS action figures, and CD's.....Oh, man! Now you making me think about moving all of that out of the house into a flame resistand storage structure...DAMN YOU!
18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Watch porn and...well... you know. IT'S JUST A HALF HOUR! What else am I to do?
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?
Have complete control over all women. YES ALL WOMEN!
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
My wedding.
21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Spending a night (about 20 hours) in jail for something as stupid as trying to talk to my kids while under a no contact order with my ex.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?
England
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Cypress - Cedar Falls, IA - best prices on great beers.
24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?
My mom and dad's.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
John Lennon
26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
George Harrison - see where I'm going with this?
27. What’s your theme song?
Imagine
Her (that's all I can say)
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Nickleback
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Her husband (see above)
4. What is your favorite cheese?
Smoked Cheddar
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Heated corned beef on white toast spread with bacon ranch dressing with melted baby swiss. My own invention a few years ago...
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Katherine Heigl
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Katy Perry - OH YEAH!
8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Get somthing pretty for my wife.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Liverpool, duh...
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Buy a Beatles something as a keepsake from my trip, duh!
11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?
Gonna have to say Sam Adams Winter Lager...
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
February 8, 1964 - the day before The Beatles were on Ed Sullivan. Get tickets to see the show and then live from then on....
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
There will be peace here, always!
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
In My Life...
A story of the actual events of The Beatles told by Mal Evans - long-time friends and road manager. He was a gentle soul that did anything and everything with and for The Beatles.
In the early 1960s, Evans was employed as a telephone engineer, and also worked part-time as a bouncer at the Cavern Club, where The Beatles performed. Manager Brian Epstein later hired Evans as their assistant road manager, in tandem with Neil Aspinall. Evans was tall and heavily-built, and Peter Brown (one of Epstein's staff) later wrote of Evans as "a kindly, but menacing-looking young man". Evans contributed to many Beatle recordings, and appeared in some of the films they made. The Beatles stopped touring in 1966, but Evans carried on assisting the band and working with them in the studio.
Evans was killed by police on 5 January 1976 at his rented duplex in Los Angeles. Officers were called when his girlfriend phoned the police and told them that Evans was confused and had a gun. The police believed that the air rifle Evans was holding was a rifle and shot him dead. Evans was cremated on 7 January 1976 in Los Angeles, and his ashes were sent back to England, but were first lost in the postal system, before being found and given to his family.
15.What is your favorite curse word?
Fuckin' Fucker!
16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Go back to sleep. If they're not doing anything, why do something that might MAKE them do something?
17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
This is not a fair question.... probably my renters insurance policy so I can replace all of the very important things I collect, like Beatles albums, and KISS action figures, and CD's.....Oh, man! Now you making me think about moving all of that out of the house into a flame resistand storage structure...DAMN YOU!
18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Watch porn and...well... you know. IT'S JUST A HALF HOUR! What else am I to do?
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?
Have complete control over all women. YES ALL WOMEN!
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
My wedding.
21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Spending a night (about 20 hours) in jail for something as stupid as trying to talk to my kids while under a no contact order with my ex.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?
England
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Cypress - Cedar Falls, IA - best prices on great beers.
24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?
My mom and dad's.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
John Lennon
26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
George Harrison - see where I'm going with this?
27. What’s your theme song?
Imagine
Friday, December 25, 2009
The POWER of the 3 Wolf/Moon shirt! Not to be denied!!!!
By B. Govern "Bee-Dot-Govern" (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
For you Facebookers....
This is what is called "a fail".... Where someone thinks what they are doing is correct, only to BE WRONG!
Funny stuff! Find more at http://www.facebookfails.com/
Click the one on the left to read clearly...
Funny stuff! Find more at http://www.facebookfails.com/
Click the one on the left to read clearly...Saturday, December 12, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
One of the funniest "full of crap" theories I've ever been fortunate enough to find!
http://www.thebeatlesneverbrokeup.com/
You must listen to the "alternate" Beatles album! Either track by track on you media player, or by downloading teh whole album.....
Make sure to read the STORY OF THE TAPE! This guy thinks we're all idiots! Enjoy though!
You must listen to the "alternate" Beatles album! Either track by track on you media player, or by downloading teh whole album.....
Make sure to read the STORY OF THE TAPE! This guy thinks we're all idiots! Enjoy though!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Authorities decry assault on 12-year-old red-haired California boy as a result of "Kick A Ginger Day" internet posting, but add that if anyone wants to punch David Caruso, that would be ok
(courtesy of the Chicago Sun Times)
CALABASAS, Calif. -- Authorities say a 12-year-old boy assaulted by a group of middle school classmates in Southern California may have been targeted after an Internet posting urged students to beat up redheads.
Los Angeles County Sheriff's Lt. Richard Erickson says the boy, who is redheaded, was kicked and hit in two incidents Friday at his school. As many as 14 students participated in the attacks.
Erickson says the attackers may have been motivated by a Facebook message announcing that Friday was "Kick a Ginger Day." The posting may have been inspired by an episode of the television show "South Park."
The boy was not seriously hurt. AP
CALABASAS, Calif. -- Authorities say a 12-year-old boy assaulted by a group of middle school classmates in Southern California may have been targeted after an Internet posting urged students to beat up redheads.
Los Angeles County Sheriff's Lt. Richard Erickson says the boy, who is redheaded, was kicked and hit in two incidents Friday at his school. As many as 14 students participated in the attacks.
Erickson says the attackers may have been motivated by a Facebook message announcing that Friday was "Kick a Ginger Day." The posting may have been inspired by an episode of the television show "South Park."
The boy was not seriously hurt. AP
Not sure I see the problem here.....
....didn't everybody's grandparents play with the grand kids?
(courtesy of the Austin Daily Herald)
An Austin man faces criminal charges for allegedly driving around his yard drunk while his 7-year-old grandson hung onto the roof.
Robert Wayne Christgau, 56, was charged Friday with driving while intoxicated, child neglect and child endangerment — all gross misdemeanors.
He is scheduled for arraignment Dec. 3.
According to a criminal complaint, Mower County deputies were dispatched to Christgau’s 1606 10th Drive SE residence on Thursday evening.
A witness had seen Christgau driving circles around the yard with the boy holding onto the Ford Escort’s luggage rack, his feet dangling over the windshield. Christgau took out a porch step, at which point the witness ran over and confronted him, the complaint states.
When deputies spoke with Christgau, he had watery, bloodshot eyes and smelled strongly of alcohol. He admitted that he drove with his grandson on the roof and that he had been drinking beforehand.
Christgau also admitted to having an open can of beer in the vehicle during the incident, the complaint states. He was taken to the Law Enforcement Center, where he registered a 0.14 blood-alcohol level — nearly twice the legal limit — roughly an hour after the incident. Authorities also spoke with the 7-year-old boy, who, along with his 3-year-old brother, was being watched by Christgau for a parent. The 3-year-old was left inside the residence unattended during the incident, the complaint alleges.
Christgau is in Mower County custody on $12,000 bail, or $1,000 with court conditions.
Southern grandparents are the best! I should know!
(courtesy of the Austin Daily Herald)
An Austin man faces criminal charges for allegedly driving around his yard drunk while his 7-year-old grandson hung onto the roof.
Robert Wayne Christgau, 56, was charged Friday with driving while intoxicated, child neglect and child endangerment — all gross misdemeanors.
He is scheduled for arraignment Dec. 3.
According to a criminal complaint, Mower County deputies were dispatched to Christgau’s 1606 10th Drive SE residence on Thursday evening.
A witness had seen Christgau driving circles around the yard with the boy holding onto the Ford Escort’s luggage rack, his feet dangling over the windshield. Christgau took out a porch step, at which point the witness ran over and confronted him, the complaint states.
When deputies spoke with Christgau, he had watery, bloodshot eyes and smelled strongly of alcohol. He admitted that he drove with his grandson on the roof and that he had been drinking beforehand.
Christgau also admitted to having an open can of beer in the vehicle during the incident, the complaint states. He was taken to the Law Enforcement Center, where he registered a 0.14 blood-alcohol level — nearly twice the legal limit — roughly an hour after the incident. Authorities also spoke with the 7-year-old boy, who, along with his 3-year-old brother, was being watched by Christgau for a parent. The 3-year-old was left inside the residence unattended during the incident, the complaint alleges.
Christgau is in Mower County custody on $12,000 bail, or $1,000 with court conditions.
Southern grandparents are the best! I should know!
EXTRA! EXTRA! Woman fingers man snapping pubics at Publix
(courtesy of Tampa Bay Online)
ST. PETERSBURG - A 53-year-old St. Petersburg man was arrested over the weekend on charges he was trying to videotape up women's skirts at a Publix supermarket with a camera attached to his shoe.
William Wright, of 546 93rd Ave. N., was charged with one count of video voyeurism on Sunday, according to Pinellas County Jail records. He was released from jail on his own recognizance within a couple of hours.
On Saturday, a woman spotted Wright at the Publix at 7999 Dr. Martin Luther King St. N., according to St. Petersburg police spokesman George Kajtsa.
The woman had seen Wright a month ago at the same Publix – and some months before that, at a Wal-Mart department store – and on both occasions she suspected he was videotaping up women's skirts, said St. Petersburg police spokesman George Kajtsa.
At Wal-Mart, she lost sight of him before she could contact authorities, Kajtsa said. At the Publix a month ago, she went to contact the manager, but Wright had left the store by the time the manager was summonsed, Kajtsa said.
On Saturday, when the same woman saw Wright, she told an employee to get the manager as quickly as possible, and police were also called, Kajtsa said.
She and the manager then watched Wright, and saw him looking for women wearing skirts, Kajtsa said. They saw him edge up to the women, and follow them until they got into a check-out line to pay, the spokesman said. He slid his foot closer to them when he got into their general proximity.
A police officer confronted Wright and asked to speak to him in an office at Publix, Kajtsa said. Authorities found computer flash drives in his pocket, along with a trigger device, and two wires protruding from his pocket, Kajtsa said. The body of the camera was in Wright's pants, and the lens was apparently attached to one of Wright's shoes, Kajtsa said.
ST. PETERSBURG - A 53-year-old St. Petersburg man was arrested over the weekend on charges he was trying to videotape up women's skirts at a Publix supermarket with a camera attached to his shoe.William Wright, of 546 93rd Ave. N., was charged with one count of video voyeurism on Sunday, according to Pinellas County Jail records. He was released from jail on his own recognizance within a couple of hours.
On Saturday, a woman spotted Wright at the Publix at 7999 Dr. Martin Luther King St. N., according to St. Petersburg police spokesman George Kajtsa.
The woman had seen Wright a month ago at the same Publix – and some months before that, at a Wal-Mart department store – and on both occasions she suspected he was videotaping up women's skirts, said St. Petersburg police spokesman George Kajtsa.
At Wal-Mart, she lost sight of him before she could contact authorities, Kajtsa said. At the Publix a month ago, she went to contact the manager, but Wright had left the store by the time the manager was summonsed, Kajtsa said.
On Saturday, when the same woman saw Wright, she told an employee to get the manager as quickly as possible, and police were also called, Kajtsa said.
She and the manager then watched Wright, and saw him looking for women wearing skirts, Kajtsa said. They saw him edge up to the women, and follow them until they got into a check-out line to pay, the spokesman said. He slid his foot closer to them when he got into their general proximity.
A police officer confronted Wright and asked to speak to him in an office at Publix, Kajtsa said. Authorities found computer flash drives in his pocket, along with a trigger device, and two wires protruding from his pocket, Kajtsa said. The body of the camera was in Wright's pants, and the lens was apparently attached to one of Wright's shoes, Kajtsa said.
Will you still eat what he vows not to?
(courtesy of seattletimes.nwsource.com)
Food safety lawyer chooses what he WILL NOT eat...EVER!
So what won't you eat if you spend your days focused on horrific food-poisoning cases?
Turns out William Marler's "Do Not Eat" list is short and sweet.
• No raw oysters or raw fish.
• No sprouts. "It's like a petri dish," Marler said of the way they're grown.
• No bagged leafy greens. The greens from dozens of fields are mixed together, so there's more chance of contamination. It's better to buy whole heads of lettuce.
• No hot dogs.
• No unpasteurized juice or milk.
• And no hamburgers. "My growth industry lately has been frozen, preform patties," he said. Scrap meat from thousands of cows gets mixed together at processing plants, so there's no telling what you're getting. If you don't cook them all the way through — which most people don't — any bacteria might survive.
As for the organic craze, Marler isn't convinced the food is safer. Some in the organic community, in fact, are fighting food-safety legislation under consideration in Congress because they think the regulations unfairly burden small farmers.
"The local and organic people need to pay more attention to food safety," he said. "They say if you can look a farmer in the eye, he won't poison you. I say bull."
Maureen O'Hagan
Food safety lawyer chooses what he WILL NOT eat...EVER!
So what won't you eat if you spend your days focused on horrific food-poisoning cases?
Turns out William Marler's "Do Not Eat" list is short and sweet.
• No raw oysters or raw fish.
• No sprouts. "It's like a petri dish," Marler said of the way they're grown.
• No bagged leafy greens. The greens from dozens of fields are mixed together, so there's more chance of contamination. It's better to buy whole heads of lettuce.
• No hot dogs.
• No unpasteurized juice or milk.
• And no hamburgers. "My growth industry lately has been frozen, preform patties," he said. Scrap meat from thousands of cows gets mixed together at processing plants, so there's no telling what you're getting. If you don't cook them all the way through — which most people don't — any bacteria might survive.
As for the organic craze, Marler isn't convinced the food is safer. Some in the organic community, in fact, are fighting food-safety legislation under consideration in Congress because they think the regulations unfairly burden small farmers.
"The local and organic people need to pay more attention to food safety," he said. "They say if you can look a farmer in the eye, he won't poison you. I say bull."
Maureen O'Hagan
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